It’s happened. Hard core.
I lost the motivation I once had to lose weight and to eat healthy.
The last time I worked out at the gym was three weeks ago. The last time I worked out was that 5 1/2 mile walk last Monday.
I’m not eating right either. I had vegetables with my Chinese food for lunch today. But those veggies were slathered in sauce. I’m debating about making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch because I’m not in the mood to cook.
Inner Dialogue Time. Or soliloquy, if you will. And I will.
I don’t want to be fat again. I won’t.
So what do I need to do?
Bitch. Put. Down. The. Chocolate.
Grab the gym bag that you packed three weeks ago and head to the gym.
You better work.
And yes, my goal is to be a supermodel.
I would need some serious facial reconstruction surgery for that.
Note to self: Wear yoga pants and underwear that fit you to work out. Burpees are not conducive with baggy pants. Especially if you are at a crowded gym.
Let’s just say I speak from experience.
Let’s just say that I had a fashion emergency.
OK. OK. If it wasn’t for my long T-Shirt, I would have shown everyone my lady parts. Hey, I just wanted people to check out my ass.
I don’t do squats for nothin’.
I recently donated all my size 20 pants. I officially own more yoga pants than jeans. Don’t worry, most of my yoga pants fit me fine. I went down to a size 18 jean, but they were a little loose on me. So, for shits and giggles I tried on a pair of size 16W jeans.
For the first time in almost 10 years, I was able to put on AND button a pair of 16W jeans!! OMG. OMG. I was soo freaking excited. I was doing a happy dance in the dressing room. I think I actually squeed! (not peed – squee, people, squee)
I’m making sure I’m adding the “W” with the size because I’m pretty sure the fact that the jeans are still made for the WIDE girl is why the size 16 jeans fit. I’m not entirely convinced I’ll be able to fit into the regular 16s. I remember being 20 pounds lighter the last time I was able to put my fat ass in a size 16 jeans.
Even if the jeans are made for the wider size 16, I’m happy.
I’m happy that all the hard work is beginning to really show.
It’s been a while since I’ve last updated y’all with my weight loss progress.
I’ve had good weeks and a few bad weeks. In fact, I almost stopped completely a few weeks ago.
Butt, and I’m talking about my big butt, I didn’t.
Today I updated my weight on my Weight Watcher app. Turns out, I’ve lost 25 lbs since I started my journey in February!
I’ve got more to go to reach my goal. I’m happy the first 25 is gone 🙂
Losing weight doesn’t have to be complicated.
When you are trying to lose weight, you watch what you eat.
Last night, I watched an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s Froyo enter my mouth.
Technically, I didn’t watch myself eating. I didn’t sit in front of a mirror and eat. Maybe I should do that next time.
What I did do, was sit in front of the TV watching Sherlock Holmes on Netflix with a brand new pint of Half Baked and a spoon. As I watched the season 1 season finale (where we finally meet Moriarty) I just kept on eating. And eating. And eating.
Next thing I knew the pint was all gone. Empty. Fin. Done.
I usually have restraint while eating Ben & Jerry’s. For one, it’s not cheap. Eating it is truly a treat for me. I like to savor the flavor.
Not this time. I don’t even remember what the flavors taste like. I do know that the container says it’s chocolate with brownie pieces and vanilla with cookie dough. But I don’t remember even eating bits of brownie or cookie dough.
So the question I have for myself is WHY? Why would I eat that whole pint of FroYo?
Was I stressed?
Not more than usual.
Was I depressed?
I don’t think so.
Happy? Sad? Glad? Mad?
No. Non. Nein. Nyet.
Was I hungry?
Hmm. Good question.
I guess I was hungry. I only had the smallest piece of vegetable lasagna and a little salad from a potluck dinner. I should have had more salad.
I should have ate something healthier when I got home.
But I didn’t. I have to own the fact that I got chip faced last night and deal with the hangover today.
My kindergartner is doing a fun run at school this Friday. He has been ‘training’ which involves running around the house. It looks so easy. He is just running.
So why am I having a problem starting to run?
I have started to do a little running. I run pushing D in his stroller from the bus stop to our house in the morning after we drop off M. That is a start, right?
Am I afraid of succeeding?
I had gone to a therapist when I was battling with postpartum depression after M was born. In the last session with her, I mentioned about being afraid of succeeding. She told me that was interesting and wrote down a whole hell of a lot of notes. Is that what my problem is now?
They have sports boulder-holders for the boobies but they don’t have fat holders for all the other jiggly bits overweight people have. Yeah, I’m down some pounds and I’m getting a little bit more toned than I had been before. BUT, there is a whole lotta BUTT that jiggles when I run. It kinda hurts.
But I need to run that BUTT off, right?
I need some tough love, people. Please give me some advice.
It has been almost a month since I’ve written a Losing It post. That doesn’t mean I stopped my weight loss journey. It just means I was exhausted from all the exercise to turn on the computer to type a post. 🙂
In all seriousness, I was exhausted and sore. A good sore (does that make me a sadist?). Although, there were a few days where I tweaked my back from the Total Body Torture class. Also, the few days it took all that I had to go up and down the stairs after countless squats. Side note: you should have seen me try to get up off the potty those days. Oh, those were sad days. BUT, that’s what happens when you are out of shape and working on getting into shape.
I’ve been struggling with one freaking pound that keeps coming and going for a couple of weeks. I’m kicking it into high gear this week and trying to eat better and putting extra effort into my work outs.
Today, I took D to the zoo. Wednesday is the day I typically go to yoga. But it was such a gorgeous day, I would much rather be outside and enjoy it with D.
D is such a boy, all he wanted to see were snakes, alligators and lizards. We walked all over the zoo. In the past, I would have been exhausted just walking from the car to the entrance. By the end of the trip I would have a backache and my feet would hurt. Not Today. I had tons of energy throughout our trip to the zoo. I even ran after D a few times and I wasn’t out of breath.
If The Capri Fits
Last Spring, I bought some capri pants that ended up being too tight. For whatever reason, I didn’t take them back. I saw them in my closet last week and tried them on. Guess what? They fit now! They still are a little snug, but I can wear them.
What’s next? With this 5k coming up in June, I need to start running. But I keep hearing that voice in the my head telling me that I’m a Fatty McFatty who shouldn’t run. I need to tell her to shut it.
First off, I want to thank all of you who reached out and sent me words of encouragement after my post last Wednesday. Your words meant a lot to me. Thank you!
There was stress eating involved at the end of last week and I’m not proud of it. Both boys had colds last week and they didn’t sleep well. Which means I didn’t sleep well. No sleep means, I wasn’t motivated for much of anything. Boo.
I was able to lose 1 pound, so there’s that.
Total Body Pilates is on Mondays. It is not really Pilates. The first time I took it, I’ll be honest, I was pissed off because the name of the class is misleading. What the class is, is free weights and some (a very tiny bit) core work. I called it Total Body Torture because the next day I was in some serious pain. Everything was sore. I do realize that pain is a good thing, so I’ve been going back. The instructor is a bit scary for a class with Pilates in the title. A drill sergeant would be nicer. Shouldn’t Pilates instructors be calmer? However, she does make you push harder and that’s what I need sometimes.
Goal For The Week
My goal for the week is to make time to work out 5 days this week. My goal is to alternate days with cardio and weights. I shouldn’t be afraid of weights. Why do those machines scare me?
As for the diet, I need to make sure there are more vegetables around that I can snack on. I have tons of fruit around, but not a lot of veggies that I can grab and go for a snack.
I’ll be writing about feeling mom guilt during this weight loss journey.