No Coffee??

I’ve been having problems sleeping lately.

Strike that.

I have a three year old that has not been sleeping through the night lately.  When I wake up with him it can take me hours to fall back asleep.

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a check up and she asked me about my sleeping habits.   Between the few hours of sleep and the amount of coffee I drink, she wasn’t happy with me.

Apparently, I shouldn’t be consuming three or more cups of coffee a day.  She actually told me I had to stop drinking coffee.

Stop drinking coffee????

How am I suppose to function?  I have two kiddos I have to take care of during the day.  Does she want me to walk around in a dazed zombie mom state all day?  That is exactly what’ll happen if I don’t have coffee.

I laughed in her face.

OK.  So I laughed at her in my head.  I try not to be rude to people who provide medical care to me.

Maybe I do have a coffee problem.

Yeah, right.

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When I saw this on the Pinterest* it spoke to me on soo many levels.

*Hey, I’m on the Pinterest @mslaw06

It’s Potty Time! (It’s a poopy subject)

Never try using the pee on a froot loop target trick when the kid is hungry. They will sob uncontrollably.
“Froot Loops in bowl, Mommy, NOT in potty!” My Facebook post 2/27/14

After I settled D down from sobbing over freaking froot loops, I shared the experience on Facebook.  I was lucky with M when he was potty training because he was going to daycare full time.  I will be forever grateful for those teachers for a few reasons.  The main reason is because if it wasn’t for them, M would probably be still in diapers.  I have NO idea how to get D to pee in the potty.    Here are some of the tricks I’ve tried so far.

The Underwear Trick

The underwear trick worked for M.  When M got his Thomas the Train underwear he couldn’t wait to wear them. “Bubble Guppies” is one of D’s favorite shows on Nickelodeon.  D took one look at the Guppies underwear and ran away to play.

Potty & TV

OK.  I don’t want my kid getting used to watching TV while taking a shit.  However, he poops (a lot) and he poops in his diapers while watching TV.  So, I thought, what the hell I’ll just put his potty in the living room.  Turns out “the poop went right up, mommy.”

Froot Loop Target

The whole idea is you put a few round cereal pieces in the toilet and have your son use it as a target and pee on it.  I wish I could do that!

I threw a few froot loops in the toilet and had M show D how to use the cereal as a target.  I thought for sure this would look fun to D and he would want to pee just like his big brother.  I was soooo wrong.

I really wasn’t expecting D to start sobbing uncontrollably finally telling me “froot loops in bowl, Mommy.  Not in a potty!”

Potty Training DVDs

What did I watch this past Friday night?  Oh, “Elmo’s Potty Time.”  Jealous?  Guess what?  D just wanted to read some books and go to bed.

I know that when D is ready, this whole potty thing will click for him.  I just need to be patient.   Oh, and I need to get more Froot Loops.  Turns out, he loves those for breakfast.

Freezer Burn

It is cold.  How cold is it?

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

Colder than a witches tit. 
My Dad loves that expression.   Which he also uses when its hot.  My question is always what kinda witch is that?  Or is it two different witches?  Was the wicked witch of the east cold and the west witch hot?  Or was it the other way around?  Was the wicked witch of the west cold and did Dorothy pour boiling water on her and that’s why she melted?

Can you tell it’s the second snow day in a row after 10 days winter break?  Poor M was actually looking forward to going back to school.  Today he is pissed off and bored as hell.   If it wasn’t -3 out we would go out and sled.  But it is and I’m out of ideas for things for him to do. 

I think it’s time for a Wiggles dance party. 

How cold is it?   What’s your favorite expression for weather?

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Happy New Year!

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M and I made a banner for our family party tonight.  I love how M drew a baby T Rex over the H.  I hadn’t told him yet about how a baby represents the new year. 

Be safe tonight & I wish you only the best for 2014!*

*because wishing you a shitty new year would be mean.

Damn Elf. Day 1.

Our elf arrived at our house this morning after a flight delay up in the North Pole.   I guess Rudolph is only allowed to help Santa light the way in storms.  I can imagine just helping one night a year could be extremely stressful.   You wouldn’t want old Ruddy to be tired for the day.

The kiddos were so wrapped up in watching Peg + Cat they gave the elf a tepid reception.  

We have decided to name our elf Max this year.   None of us could remember what his name was last year.
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I think this elf is creepy as fuck.  But, as a Mom, you gotta keep the magic of Xmas alive.

Mom Guilt

At this very moment my kid is watching the Sesame Street segment where the (m)uppets kids hid one of the adults phones because she was texting too much & not paying attention to the kids.

I’m refusing to feel mom guilt about the fact that I’m doing things on my phone . . .
    

I refuse to feel guilt right now  because my kiddo is watching the show while under the table pooping.
He’s pooping in his diaper, not on the floor.

More to come on the subject.
The phone issue, not the poop.
Ok. Maybe the poop, too. 

Crazy What Ifs

M officially started Kindergarten last Friday.
Everybody told me I would cry.
As I put him on the bus Friday, it wasn’t tears I felt.

My head was filled with what ifs.
What if he can’t open his apple sauce?
What if he can’t unbutton his pants and has an accident?
Those are normal Mommy what ifs.

It was the other what ifs that popped in my head that I tried to push away as soon as I thought of them.
What if his bus driver gets hijacked by some crazy and M gets kidnapped?
What if some whackadoodle goes into his school guns a blazing?
What if some kid brings a gun to school and goes guns a blazing?
When did these what if become the norm in our society?

The saying goes “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” Yeah, well, people seem to be using a lot of high powered assault weapons on school children lately.

Ronald Reagan said: “. . . I do believe that an AK-47, a machine gun, is not a sporting weapon or needed for defense of a home.” (2/6/89)
That line was from a speech given after a school shooting in Stockton, CA in January of that year. 24 years has passed and we still have to kiss our babies goodbye on their way to school and deep down hope that at least one of our What Ifs don’t come true.