Eat It! Or don’t. Flat Bottom Bread

I love bread.  I love fresh, hot-out-of-the-oven-burn-the-insides-of-your-mouth bread.

My problem is that as a non-baker, I cannot really make bread.

It’s easy! At least that’s what I’ve been told by friends and the interwebs.  OK, mostly the interwebs because of my lack of friends.

I don’t know if you know this, but the interwebs lies.

I know!

This came as a shock to me, too.

Some people make the typical New Years Resolution to go to the gym more often.  I decided to load up on more carbs.   I’m kidding!  But I thought it might be cheaper if I made a loaf a bread each week instead of buying it.

Recently, I picked up a jar of yeast instead of packets.  My thought process was that this would not only be cheaper but it would be motivation to bake bread.    You know, like buying new gym shoes as motivation to go to the gym more often.

What I didn’t realize until today about the jar of yeast was that the instructions are incorrect.  It actually says “pour the entire packet of yeast in warm water.”  WTF?  How much is in a packet???

So I guessed.

I guessed wrong.

My dough* never rose.  I left it covered on the stove with the oven preheating for an hour.

The dough did doo-doo.

As I have no patience, I threw the fucker in the loaf pan and put it in the oven.  It came out the way it went in.  Flat.

D and I had it for lunch.   As far as the taste, it wasn’t bad.  Since it didn’t rise, it was dense.  I felt the texture was fitting as I am dense at baking bread.


I will not give up! I must bake on!   I bought a jar of yeast, for fuck sake.  What else am I going to use yeast in?   Soup?

*I used a recipe that I found on the interweb.  As I didn’t bookmark the recipe, I’m not sure which website it came from.  I’m not sure you’d want to use the recipe anyway.  Of course, you might be a better baker than I am.  If you are, would you like to make bread for me?  I couldn’t pay you, though.  I have no dough.  (See what I did there?)

3 thoughts on “Eat It! Or don’t. Flat Bottom Bread

  1. hahahah, i have no dough! that’s funny! while I am a baker, i don’t really make bread… mostly bc I’m more into sweets, i suppose, but probably bc of the time bread takes to make. (mixing, rising, kneading, proofing, baking…ZZZZZZ) A good friend of mine started baking her own breads and she made it look really easy…. I think she used this site…. try it out, at the very least, you can use up your yeast… (bc yeast in soup is yucky 🙂 ) Maybe we can get together one of these days and try out some recipes?

  2. also…what I do know about yeast however, is that it must “activate” in water (it gets bubbly… which is how the effervescence in beer and champagnes are made (just a side note))… if its too hot, it will kill the yeast, if too cool, not activate it. since your dough did not rise… you may have done one of the two….

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